Omg so I’m at the cafe by campus and this guy came in and went to hug this chick but she went in for a fist bump
OK OMG SHE SAT HIM DOWN AND SAID “I think we should break up”
I’m legit 3 feet away from them pretending to be invested in my science book
She said “it’s not you it’s me” and before he could respond the barista called his name. It’s Bob. Poor Bob
The move was effective. The lady looks defensive
Bob has come back.
It was a few minutes of awkward silence as he took a sip of his drink. It’s the same kind as mine. Meaning he ordered Hot Chocolate
He started out with “You know, I think.” And I could hear this lady’s eyes roll. No one cares what you think Robert
FINGERS ARE FLYING. SHE POINTING AT HIM. SHIT IS GETTING REAL.
she calmed down and he legit did that thing where you steppe you fingers together in front of your mouth and take a huge breath. Bro. Leave it. It’s done. She’s too pretty for you.
He freaking snapped his fingers like he’s got this grand plan to make up for things.
She Said she still wants to be friends. She starts this by asking about his day
Apparently something bob said made her laugh.
She has not been able to say a word since she got him talking. It’s too loud in the cafe for me to make out anything even tho I’m legit behind this chick
He talking about his struggles now and how much he needs her. Run lady. Run. Run far away.
She tried to get up and his hAND SHOT OUT TO GRAB HERS
She’s literally folded in herself. Hands not going out further than the table. Limited hand movements.
Now she’s talking about her self. He doesn’t look that invested.
“well some people are bitchy” -bob
Lady does not have a drink. I don’t think she planned on being here this long.
Bob is again talking about himself 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 no one cares bob.
Well he said something that made her laugh again. It sounded fake tho.
He’s talking about school. APPARENTLY HE IS A PROFESSOR
“Promiscuousness leads to disease” -Bob again.
I’m done with my hot chocolate and I don’t know if the bitter taste in my mouth is from the chocolate residue I drank or my disdain for Professor Bob.
She adjusted her chair so she’s further away
SHE GOT UP! She went to take her purse but bob said to leave and he would watch it. I think she’s headed to the bathroom.
I can’t leave! But he’s doing that voice to text thing for his phone. Talking to someone about this? Idk?
I’m trying to figure out what he’s saying by looking at his lips but I suck as this. Also where are his lips?? Bob is lipless. Further proof that lizard people exist.
I just noticed the lady left her phone in her purse.
Ok she’s coming back. She is pretty. Too pretty for Bob. But probs old enough to be my mom.
He’s talking about his students again.
She was talking and he interrupted her and she was like “I was talking” and he like flinched and he apologized. Yes queen.
“but this is why this democracy is at its purest.” Wtf Bob that doesn’t make sense
They’re talking so quietly now I can’t hear them.
“I should have said this a long time ago. But I can’t get anyone to love me” -Bob what the fuck.
“I feel like I’m projecting my self onto you” -bob once again
She’s leaving! She said something about picking up her son, Kevin, from school. Good job lady!
HOLY SHIT HES REACHING INTO HIS PANTS WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF
*pocket. But still.
HE PULLED OUT A RING BUT THE CHICK IS ALREADY OUT THE DOOR. OMG
OMG OMG OMG ITS A MENS RING!! HE PUT IT ON HIS HAND HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT. HES PICKING UP HIS PHONE
“Hey babe, nah sorry about not answering your call. I was in a meeting with a student. I’m leaving my office now. Yeah I can pick up dinner. Is Tanner home from school yet?”
Am I wet? Am I on my period? Did I pee my pants?- next on wtf is going on down there.
I’m so glad this is a universal wondering among vagina-owners, haha.
‘Vagina-owners’
Tune in next time for: Are these menstrual cramps? Am I pregnant? Is it just gas? I wouldn’t have to ask these questions if I didn’t have a damn uterus
Next week: Is it a bladder infection? An ovarian cyst? Do I have endometriosis? Oh God please do not let it be cervical cancer! A 20/20 special
Y’all are forgetting the all-time classic: Is it just my period or is my appendix about to burst? Some nice tea and a heatpack or 911 and emergency surgery?
There is actually a test for that last one!
Place your hand over the pain, press down slightly and release. If the pain doesn’t change by any great margin, you’re fine. If it suddenly becomes some painful you can barely stand, Get thee to an Emergency Room
Reblogging for the useful info as well as the lack of any transphobic comments! =P
my rooster doesn’t crow when the sun rises, he crows when he hears humans wake up, like you can literally just roll over in bed and he’s like “hoLY SHIT THAT’S A PEOPLE THE HUMAN ISAWAKE AHHH AHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
the same rooster – god guys he’s socute – he always lets hens eat treats first and won’t have any treats until they’ve had as much as they want, unless it’s a blueberry. shit, blueberries are like serious fucking business for Pharaoh. he’s a gentleman until the damn blueberries come out and then he don’t play no fuckin games
in case you were wondering this is him
It’s been almost a year since I made this post so I guess I should update you guys on Pharaoh!
He’s still a sweetie but with more attitude and will fuck up your shit if he’s grumpy or if you’re wearing shoes with shoelaces. He doesn’t like that. He watches Netflix with me a lot and cries anytime theres explosions or gunshots in a show. He has so many chicken lady friends who he adores and he has fathered 4 chicks. I tried to train him to walk on a leash but he protested by laying down and refusing to move, so we gave that up after a while. He likes to guard me from cars and squirrels, and even plastic bags (which are his worst fear)
music-books-tvseries 